Of course, I did not stay off the internet. It was a personal challenge. How deep into the interwebs could I go and how long could I stay in without taking a breath? I had a brain AVM. It didn’t take me long to discover the worst outcomes imaginable. I read the websites over and over: brain tangle, brain bleed, brain hemorrhage, brain rupture. Stroke. Paralysis. Memory loss. Death. I could die at any possible minute from my brain exploding. And Ryan was busy at work and planning to travel later that week. I was alone with the kids, and I was certain my brain was literally going to explode. Cue panic attack, tears, losing my mind. It went on for a few weeks; it was hell. I could not concentrate at work or sleep at night.
My boss, a dear friend and great mentor who always had my back, sensed my anxiety (it was hard to miss) and did not bat an eye when I asked for a leave of absence from work. It started with one month, and then extended to two months, and then three months. I needed that time to pull myself together, to untangle my mind and find out more about this brain tangle.
