My leave of absence was just what I needed to feel better (but was also the beginning of a downward spiral into a state of denial). It was summertime in Boston, which is pretty much magical in any given year, but we were coming off a winter with record breaking snow, so it was that much sweeter. John was almost 1.5 and Micki was 3 (going on 13). We took trips to the aquarium, the children’s museum and went strawberry picking. A little vitamin D and summer outings with the kids never felt so good for my soul. My stress level was way down, and life was pretty darn good.
I did see a handful of brain doctors during that time as well, both neurosurgeons (brain doctors that cut open the skull) and neurointerventional radiologists (brain doctors that get to the brain in a less invasive way, from the veins), all with a specialization in cerebrovascular disorders (brain problems like stroke and aneurysms). I had an angiogram, a procedure where doctors guided a catheter from the vein in the groin up to the brain to get a better look up there, creating a “road map” of the blood vessels in my brain.
I learned the following: 1) I officially had an AVM. 2) It was large and diffuse and located in the temporal lobe of my brain. 3) I likely had the AVM since birth (“a congenital defect”), and it had never presented itself with any symptoms (no seizures or headaches and definitely no bleeds). 4) It was on the non-dominant side of my brain (right side).
The consensus among the doctors I saw that summer was just to leave it alone. They call this approach “medical management.” “It’s probably going to be fine. Just live your life and forget it’s there, but try to keep your blood pressure down, and if you ever have the worst headache of your life, get to the ER ASAP”, they said. They asked I come back in a few years for more follow-up imaging unless of course, it ruptured. Ok, got it.
I was satisfied with that answer (at first). It was an easy way out. No brain surgery required. Good. I could put this all behind me.
I was feeling great and thought I had everything under control, so it seemed like a good idea to get back to work. Summer with the kids was fun, but I wasn’t sure I was cut out to be a stay at home mom permanently (it’s really hard, y’all). I interviewed and had a couple of job offers in no time. I read Sheryl Sandberg’s “Lean In,” was feeling empowered and inspired, and couldn’t wait to start a new job in Boston with all this AVM nonsense behind me. Reset accomplished.
